A Toxic Relationship Can Lead You To A Toxic Self Esteem

It all begin when I was abused, it continued with low esteem, sex, drugs, lack of identity, toxic relationships, addictions and I felt I needed a man to be happy. All this ended when I hit rock bottom and I seek for help.

Hello, my name is Paloma and this my story...

At a young age I was molested for 2 years. This caused a huge impact in my life causing me to look at men in a different perspective. Between the ages 12 to 15 I started pursuing relationships with guys. I was very confused as to what I was doing and why I was doing it. I thought that every relationship I was in I had to give myself to my partner and that wasn't the case. This lead me to having toxic relationships, especially to my ex who I was with for two years, It came to the point where everything I did had to go through him; there was a lot of yelling, screaming, name calling, arguing, and being disrespectful to one another plus constant jealousy.

I started to believe everything He told me, I felt worthless. I hit rock bottom trying to avoid my pain and emptiness with anything and everything, I was losing myself, it was so depressing, I felt lost, I felt alone and I always felt like I needed a man in my life to be happy.

After breaking up with him I found myself in more toxic relationships, being with females, drinking and other addictions. I was losing myself and my identity in relationships. I felt this was my answer of why I didn't have any female friends, a support system or a healthy friendship because I was always looking to please my toxic relationships. At the endings of 2017 I realized I needed help. I was tired of having a bad reputation, my past was giving me problems.

All of 2018 I had a mentor walking by my side in the process of leaving men and staying to myself. I realized that all this time I had put my identity to the side and put on the identity that the world gave me. 2019 taught me that I am a princess, I am loved, I am worth it, and that I don't need a man to be happy, that even though I may feel lonely or that I want to fall back I have people that love me and that I can talk to.

It's amazing! that as soon as I decided to ask for help I now see love surrounding me; When I feel down there's always strong women around me to help.

The way I got up from where I was is when I looked for a mentor and finding a strong support group. Currently, one of my goals is to have more female friends, to bond with real friends who I can share big dreams with, and looking forward to a brighter future.

Lastly, I want to learn more from women who have ambitions, goals and vision. I feel my story has purpose and I hope I can share it with many ladies so that I can let them know that there is hope, you are loved, and that your happiness does not depend on men; you and your happiness MATTERS! Asking for help is so worth it. Now, I am devoted to #SPEAKPURPOSE and I enjoy being part of this team. Spreading kindness has become one of my favorite things. #transformeproject #sandiego